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Dating Jokes

The year was 1959 and college boy Mike went to pick up Cathy, his date for the evening. While Cathy was getting ready, her father was asking Mike about his plans for the evening. "We'll probably go to a soda shop or a movie," said Mike. Her father calmly replied: "Why don't the pair of you go out and screw?"
Mike was taken aback by the suggestion. "You think we should go out and screw?" he queried. "Absolutely," said the father. "After all, you're only young once. And I know how Cathy loves to screw. She'd screw all night if we let her." Mike was lost for words, but reckoned it was going to be a date to remember.
Shortly afterwards, Cathy appeared and off they went. Her father sat back to watch the TV but 20 minutes later, the door burst open and Cathy ran in, sobbing. "Dammit, Daddy!" she screamed. "It's called the twist!"

Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay and before they leave you. They should have to find you a temp.

An old hillbilly had three pretty teenage daughters of whom he was very protective. He usedto sit on the front porch, shotgun in hand, and run his eye over any potential suitors. If he didn't like the look of them, he'd send them on their way. One night, all three girls were due to go out on dates. The first's boyfriend drove up and announced: "Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here to get Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The old man decided that the boy sounded OK and he gave his blessing for the date. Ten minutes later, another car pulled up. The driver called out: "Hi, my name is Freddy, I'm here to get Betty, we're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" The old man thought the boy was decent enough so he gave permission for the date. Ten minutes later, a third car arrived. The driver called out: "Hi, my name is Chuck. . ." And the old man shot him.

I date this girl for two years, and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name, . ."

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skilful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.

A girl went over to her friend and said: "I hear you broke off your engagement to Rob? Why?" "It's just that my feelings towards him aren't the same any more." "Are you returning his ring?" "No way! My feelings towards the ring haven't changed a bit!"

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, "You'll never find anyone like me again." I'm thinking: "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?"

A rich, handsome playboy took a girl on a first date to an amusement park. After going on half a dozen rides, he said: "What do you want to do next?" "Get weighed," she said.
He thought that was a strange request, but he took her to the weighing booth. After going on a few more rides, he asked again: "What do you want to do next?" "Get weighed," she replied. What. ?" again. "Get weighed," she repeated. :
By now, the guy was convinced she was seriously weird, so he made an excuse and took her home early. Her mother wasn't expecting her back so soon. "What is it dear?" she said. "Didn't you have a nice time tonight?" "Wousy," said the girl.

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home," I went over. Nobody was home.

"I stepped out for a walk. My girlfriend asked how long I would be out. I said, 'The whole time'."

A boy promised his girlfriend: "We're going to have a great time Saturday. I got three tickets for the big game." "Why do we need three?" she asked. "One for your father, one for your mother and one for your kid sister. . ."

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

A young couple parked in a lovers' lane. "It's lovely out here tonight," she sighed romantically. "It's so quiet and peaceful. Just listen to the crickets." "They're not crickets," replied her boyfriend. "They're zippers."

Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference between a date and a job interview is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.