Is This Relationship A Non-Starter?
You have stars in your eyes and every time the phone
rings, you jump six feet high - it might be the new object of your
affection. But all might not be moonshine and roses. Often years
down the line, you'll ask yourself, "Why didn't I see the signs?"
But what are these signs everyone speaks of?
Pit of despair
You find that somehow you always talk about the other person's bottomless
pit of problems and there never seems to be time for you to discuss
yours. There never will be - get out while you can. Also stay away
from people who love catastrophes - they will create them, if they
don't happen by themselves.
You get stood up
OK, this happens in the best of families and one mistake one can
still forgive. But when it happens a second time, think carefully
about whether you feel like spending the rest of your life waiting
for someone who might not turn up.
Hard cash
When it comes to paying, your partner just somehow never has the
money. That's fine, as long as it was discussed beforehand. If you
find yourself constantly paying for everything, prepare for a life
where you work twelve hours a day to support someone who spends
his/her life in front of the TV or looking for that big break which
never comes. Your money is for the bond and the insurance, his/hers
for CDs and clothes.
Are you sure this is the
right one?
If many of your friends are asking this question, take note. One
person could just be jealous, but two or three have spotted that
you are not really well-suited. Take heed, before it gets too difficult
to get out.
Lying through the teeth
If you find out that you have been lied to, chances are that there
are many occasions you were being duped and didn't realise it. Do
you feel like spending years of your life with someone who does
not respect you enough to be honest with you? OK, maybe it was a
small lie, but what else have they been lying about?
Mine, mine, mine
Being jealous is a natural thing. Being overly jealous is a sign
of danger in a new relationship. Do you feel like being involved
with someone who treats you like a prisoner - watching your every
move, in case you talk to someone else or have fun with anyone but
him/her? Don't confuse love and jealousy - they are two very different
things.
In-law trouble
Right, you are far from getting married, but having trouble with
each other's families could be a sign of future trouble. This could
be the beginning of years of recriminations and endless trouble
and strife. This is not true in all cases, but people often end
up copying their parents' relationship styles. Could you live with
what you see your partner's parents doing?
A good clout is a bad clout
If anyone hits you, get out immediately. This will not get better,
it will only get worse. You cannot change this. If someone is used
to sorting out problems or arguments with violence, chances are
they will not change, especially after they have married you.
All your fault
If you start finding yourself apologising for things that are not
your fault, red lights should start flashing. You have communication
problems with this person, and he/she would rather blame you than
sort out whatever the problem is.
Why do you find that funny?
If you can't laugh with someone, hit the road. Humour is often the
thing which gets people through very difficult patches. If you don't
find the same things funny, maybe your perspectives are just too
different to consider a relationship.
When my ship comes in
Everyone has to hope and dream, but many people have unrealistic
dreams in terms of what their future holds. Dreaming about pots
of money is fine - if the person is prepared to put in the kind
of work required in order to get hold of this. Endless get-rich-quick
dreams point to a life of hardship for whoever is the partner of
this unrealistic dreamer.
Hitting the bottle
Addiction to any substance points to future problems. There are
many people who manage to sort this out, but there are also many
people who never do. Do you really feel like a life where the money
for the electricity bill disappears down your partner's throat or
up his/her nose?
Do as I say
One person in the relationship gets to make all the decisions and
there's hell to pay if the other doesn't toe the line. Whether you
make the decisions, or are spoken for, neither is a position which
is pleasant to be in in the long run.
Heaven knows when I can
see you
There is always something more important in your partner's life
than you. Exams, family, sport whatever. OK, none of us can be priority
number one all the time, but if this person never has time for you,
rather start a relationship with someone who does.
Let's keep it a secret
If someone does not want to acknowledge to the world that they are
in a relationship with you, there's a problem. If everything's fine
when you are at home, but you get ignored at parties, there are
problems on the horizon.
Let's play heart-lung machine,
heart-lung machine.
If someone wants to spend every minute of every day with you, you
are going to get crowded out and claustrophobic. Everyone needs
time by themselves. Don't get involved with someone who seems to
have nothing else in their lives besides this relationship - it
will eventually become a burden.
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